Reflections after talking with my Parents

I have got a bad case of the "wants"! If I can't be content with the blessing that God has already graciously given to me (Jesus, Judd, My family, My health, My Job, My friends and neighbors), how will I ever be content or happy or at rest?

I remember wanting to get married, or when I wanted to get a dog (I was never this distraught about those things for the record - more marriage than the dog). After a while, you begin to want something else I guess. After a child, will I want another one? Will I want my children to do something? Will I just want them to grow up and leave the house? Will I want to retire? I don't know. But I do know that I will want something.

Lord, forgive me for not focusing on and being thankful for the amazing blessings you have already poured out upon me! Forgive me for wanting more! Help me to rest in you and be content.

In His Hands,

Katy

Random Recent Events and Thoughts

Haven't blogged in a few days and thought I would. Let's see . . . What's going on . . .

Spent Saturday with our friends Paul and Donna. They live on the lake here and have a wakeboarding boat. Yes, we did wakeboard in October and YES the water was cold! I wasn't sure if I would give it a try this time, but I did and got up almost every time. Now I just need to figure out what I do when I get there! Ha! Maybe next summer.

Work is going well . . . I guess. I am "Teacher of the Month" this month and have my picture along with a very nice message posted in the entrance of our school. I am trying to Co-teach with a 5th grade teacher. We started this week and are still trying to "tweak" everything. These kids need a lot of help!!!! I just pray everyday that I can help these kids!!!!

Today I was nominated to attend the United Way Fundraiser meeting. I guess I'm helping with the campaign this year. Oh goody! :) No, I am glad to help - just a little worried.

Back to the weekend . . . Donna shared with me a verse that helped her while she was waiting on her husband and a baby later on. It is Psalm 37:7:

"Be still and wait on the Lord. Do not fret when others succeed in their ways."

I just keep saying this verse over and over again so that I don't get too overcome by envy of others that do have families. It seems like most people have children and it's hard for me to wonder why our time hasn't yet come. I know God has a plan though and is working it for my good and His Glory!

Donna also suggested buying a baby outfit and hanging it somewhere as a statement of faith that we will one day have a child. Someone gave us a little outfit with a guitar on it when we were pregnant last spring so I hung up that one.

Last night we went to a fundraiser banquet for the Daybreak Crisis Pregnancy Center last night. It was great to support such a wonderful cause but also very painful to listen to stories of women who "accidently" became pregnant and didn't want their babies! God's ways are so mysterious!

We are now 4 days late again with no positive pregnancy test. This happened last month and we ended up being 6 days late. Why would my cycle all of the sudden go from a steady 28 day cycle to an irregular 30-something day cycle? I have not idea. I am not going to try to understand it. We get to start using the fertility monitor next cycle so I am excited about that. It will be good to find out more about what is going on.

I started some new meds this week and haven't noticed that much of a difference. I hope to see some results soon.

This has been a VERY random post. I'm just trying to journal what is going on overall.

OH! I did read more in the book of Job. After God allowed Satan to destroy most of Job's family and possessions, Satan asked to be able to strike Job's body and God allowed him to do so. Job still does not curse or blame God but does say he desires to die. I have definitely been there! I had those thoughts today.

I just pray that Judd and I are doing what we are supposed to in our lives right now. Judd is struggling too with the church. We are praying for miracles all over the place!

Is anyway else relating to how I'm feeling?

In His Hands,

Katy :)

"Through all of this Job did not sin nor did he blame God"

So during my "blog stocking" today I discovered that Kelly (from Kelly's Korner - one of my favorite blogs) had a post about a woman that recently became pregnant. She had gone through all sorts of fertility treatments and nothing worked. Finally, after spending some time in the book of Job and realizing how much of an idol getting pregnant had become in her life - she became pregnant!

One thing that I really want to be careful of is trying to do things to manipulate God into giving me what I want, which is currently a baby. I really want to submit to His Will. So, I decided to study the book of Job for a little while. I read chapter 1 today and must say I am already total convicted and challenged. Job had so much, including 10 children, and in one day - no, a matter of minutes - EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING was taken away. His response:

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

WHAT?!? If only I would have been able to say the same thing after our miscarriage! But instead - I have blamed you God! I'm so sorry!!!

Verse 22 says, "Through all of this Job did not sin nor did he blame God."

WOW! God, I want faith and a love for you like Job!!! How about you guys?

In His Hands,

Katy

Words from Kelly's Korner:

"There are women who become mothers without effort, 
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.


I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.



I have longed and waited.


I have cried and prayed.


I have endured and planned over and over again.



Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.



I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore,
and discover.


I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.


I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. 


My dream will be crying for me.



I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.



Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.


I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.

I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.



I have prevailed.


I have succeeded.

I have won.


So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.


I listen.


And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.



I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.


I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.



Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."