Two Years Ago This Month

Two years ago this month . . .

- Judd and I went on our best ski trip yet to Telluride, CO! (I actually skied a "blue" run with minimal crying and cussing, and skied the heck out of the greens! Ha!)

- We decided it was time for me to make the move from a WONDERFUL school that was 45-60 minutes away from our home to another WONDERFUL school that was 15-20 minutes away.

- We had almost been married for 3 years.

- I went for an appointment to discuss why we had not gotten pregnant within the previous year of not being on birth control.

Two years ago this month . . .

- We found out for the first time that we were going to be parents!!!

- I experienced "morning sickness" for the first time. Yuck!

- I began reading "What to Expect When You Are Expecting".

- Judd bought the book Where the Wild Things Are and a onesie with a guitar on it. (For those of you that know Judd, are you surprised by his choice of clothing design?!?!)

- We shared the news with my parents and were looking forward to sharing it with Judd's!

Two years ago this month . . .

- We were SO EXCITED to know that God had created life through us and in me!

- We began dreaming of names for our future son or daughter.

- We began praying that our child would one day make the decision to admit that he or she needed a Savior and commit his or her life to follow Jesus.

- We praised God for his blessings!!!

Two years ago this month . . .

- We didn't know that God uses significant suffering in our lives.

- I didn't know how to trust God through truly dark times.

- I had no idea how weak my faith really was.

- I had NO IDEA the depth of my sin and depravity, and the true ugliness that lived in parts of my heart and mind.

- I allowed myself to be swayed by my emotions as I experienced life instead of by what God's Word says is true.

- We had no idea what trials and heartbreak lie ahead and how the Lord would refine our faith and relationship with Him.

Because . . .

Two Years Ago Next Month our first baby went to Heaven to be with Jesus.

Oh! How we miss you "Malachi" Wright! Even though we only knew you for a couple of months you were SO LOVED! You are still SO LOVED! Not only by us, but in Heaven with your Creator! Mommy and Daddy long to see you one day in your perfect home and form! Even though we are brokenhearted that we didn't get to hold you here on Earth, we rejoice for you that the Lord spared you the trouble of this fallen world. We know that you are "watching out" for your little brother or sister in Heaven and that you are having a blast!!! It warms our hearts to think of the day we will be reunited again and we hope to bring other brothers and sisters for you one day as well! Until then, take care little ones! Praise the Lord and Give Him the Glory He deserves! HE is so good!!!

Love,

Mommy

Don't Give Up

Hello! This is going to be a short post because it's late and I need to get some sleep before school tomorrow, but I want to share something that the Lord gave to me for encouragement this past weekend that really helped me to keep going when I wanted so badly to quit.

I don't know how you respond to stress and pressure but for me, it is NOT pretty. I can become so overwhelmed that I just want to quit! No . . . it's more like I want to lie down and die. The anxiety and the stress from my present circumstances drive me to despair and tempt me to totally lose hope that God has good plans that He is currently working out in my life.

I really hit a low this weekend and knew I had to get into the word (read the Bible) to get any relief at all (I've learned the hard way that NOTHING helps me whenever I get down like this except for God's living, breathing, active Word). My Biblical Counselor assigned Hebrews 12 as one of the scriptures to read over this past week. I've begun reading "The Message" version of the Bible in addition to my regular Bible recently because I LOVE the spin it puts on the verses I've come so accustom to reading a certain way. It's brought so much freshness into some of my favorite scriptures. I LOVE the way it puts the following verses in Hebrews chapter 12:

Hebrews 12

Discipline in a Long-Distance Race

^1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

^4-11In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.
God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.

^12-13So don't sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it!

^14-17Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you'll never get so much as a glimpse of God. Make sure no one gets left out of God's generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God's blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears."

There is SOOO much in this passage that I LOVE but the Holy Spirit really focused my heart in the on the "Esau syndrome" part. When reading the notes at the bottom of the page in my regular bible this really became applicable to me. It says:

"The readers (of Hebrews) were thinking of compromising their faith in order to gain relief from persecution. But to trade their spiritual birthright for temporary ease in this world would deprive them of Christ's blessing."

That definitely describes me so often than I care to admit! God has placed me in this time of trouble, but He has promised that it is not in vain. That it is necessary to make me whole and complete. That these temporary circumstances are vital to the plot of the story He is writing. 1 Peter 1: 6&7 "In this you greatly rejoice, even though for now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

The Message version says :" ^6-7I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory." (See what I mean about a fresh spin!?!)

I don't want to be diagnosed with the spiritually fatal "Esau Syndrome" (you can read his story in Genesis 27). I don't want to give up for temporary relief from my troubles (or what seems like relief by being angry, etc.)! I don't want to miss out on what God is doing and the good things for which He is preparing me. I want to be faithful and I want to be whole.

So, I have to believe that just like the Lord didn't remove Paul's "thorn" from him but said that He Grace is sufficient, God's Grace is sufficient for me as well.

I'm NOT giving up!!! God's Grace is enough to get me through and to bring me peace in the midst of this storm!!! Thank you SO much Jesus for making this possible through your suffering!

Thanks for reading! This post turned out to be MUCH longer than I expected! Ha!

In His Hands,

Katy :)

Visit with Walkbridge Way

Judd and I were so excited to spend some time with our SC neighbors (they are still our neighbors until we sell the house!!!) right after Christmas (I know! I'm late!)! We only had about 24 hours and Jason and Russ were both working at the Irmo fire station the night we were there, so we all went to the fire station! Everyone chipped in for our spaghetti dinner and it was so much fun!!! Everyone is doing really well and it was fun to see Lily with her little baby bump (due in June, I think)!

Everyone that could make it: Starting from the left and going around the table clockwise - Lily, Candice, Tim, April, Jen, Russ, a firefighter that I can't remember his name (so sorry!), Matt, Michelle, Stacia, Brent, and Judd:

Michelle and I:

Lily and I:

Matt and Michelle:

Jason and Candice:

Tim and Judd:

Judd and Jason:

Myself, Candice and Stacia: I look huge next to them! Haha!

Candice and I:

Jason and Russ:

Making a house a home: More Progress on the Apartment

Wow! It's been another month since I've posted! What's been going on? Well, Judd and I have gotten more done on the apartment! It looks SOOO much better and feels so much more like home! I feel really good about staying here until our home sells back in SC. We have truly been blessed and just like the Lord always does - He provided just what we need! You can see for yourself:

View from the kitchen:

Back Porch: The back yard/side yard has orange trees!

When you walk in the front door: Art from a local artist in SC

Front door to screen front "porch" that stays open as much as possible!

Mud "room" / where we drop our stuff when we come home and give ourselves one more look before we leave. Ha!

View to the kitchen: We have to keep our bikes inside to keep the humidity from rusting them.

Living Room with our entertaining "entertainment" center: Lol!

So there you have it! We are SOOO blessed to have a great and affordable place to live until our home sells. I am definitely not going to show you the two bedrooms! Haha! I don't know if this is the same with you all, but our room is ALWAYS the last to get love and attention! Maybe in the future . . .

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying the warmer weather! May you take captive your thoughts to the Lord Jesus and enjoy the peace knowing Him brings each day!

Love,

Katy :)

Learning

Whoa! It's been awhile since I've written! How are you doing out there??? I hope well!

I've been learning so much lately. I've been learning more about what it really means to follow Christ. To not just say that He is my Everything, but to really live it. He's stripped me of a lot of my "comforts" lately (my job, my home, my friends and close proximity to my family), he's allowed two of Judd and my babies to go to Heaven instead of being here on Earth with us (which is much better for them), and He's even been silent as to whether or not it's His Plan for Judd and I to be parents in the future.

I've known in my head that I am to be thankful for everything. I've been taught and said that I believe that God works everything for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. I've read that suffering is good and that we are to join with Christ in suffering. I "know" that God uses suffering to produce good things in us and through us. But now I've been given a chance to believe it in action and not just by knowledge.

It's been so tough to say this, but I'm learning to say, "Not my way, but Your Way, Lord." Even if it means I'll never have kids. Even if it means you're going to keep moving Judd and I around. Even if it means we'll never have the home that we envisioned we'd have. Even if I never get to quit my job to stay at home and raise a family.

No matter what. You are worthy, Lord.

I always knew that God asked these types of things from people, but kind-of always assumed it was for the "ultra-spiritual" or for the people in the Bible. Never for me. But yes, it's for me.

I am learning to say: You are enough to fulfill me for the rest of my life. I am thankful for what you have given me in your grace and mercy, and even if you take everything away from me, You are enough.

It's a constant battle. A daily surrender. Taking my thoughts captive and allowing God to use others, including a Biblical Counselor, to help me keep proper prospective. I'm finding His Grace is sufficient for me and that His Power is perfect in my weakness, because I am so weak.

Here are the lyrics to a song that sums up what God is teaching me (the internet here is pretty slow so I can't post a video).

P.S. - Please don't leave a comment that says "Good job Katy" or "I'm so proud of you Katy" in response to this post. I'm learning to surrender my desire to have kids and am struggling with jealousy of others with children. I don't want the positive comments of others in this area of surrender to tempt me to replace my jealousy with pride that I am "giving up so much." I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too terrible!

"You Can Have Me" by Sidewalk Prophets (My thoughts are in parenthesis.)

"If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything (isn't that what He asks us to be willing to do?)
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go (of having a baby)
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me (that I deserve a family, beautiful home, the American Dream)
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering (the joy comes from knowing Him more deeply)
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me"



Behind the Song:
"You Can Have Me contains a line that sums up the entire song, “I will crawl upon my knees, just to know the joy of suffering.” Like the woman from the gospels that traveled, pushed, and crawled through mud just to touch the hem of Christ’s robe, we are desperate for a faith strong enough to give everything to Him. In the journey, through the pain, there is a joy that is made clear. James 1:3 says, "Consider it pure JOY, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." And James 1:12 sums it all up by proclaiming, "blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." Somewhere along the line, love has become a cliché, “unmoving,” unconsuming.” This song is our response to that tarnish that we have placed on love and is a rededication of our all to Christ." - Sidewalk Prophets