Even after surrendering this desire to be a mom, it has remained a longing of my heart. Last week, I thought that meant God had abandoned me and was punishing me as he tortured with this crushing desire. This week I have a totally different perspective (Thank you Lord!).
"Infertility brings with it a set of temptations that are irresistible - the greatest of which is: trust your perceptions over God's promises." This quote DEFINITELY sums up my struggles last week (as well as much of the past year and a half). I have fallen into the temptation to despair, to doubt that God is good and has good plans for us. I have focused on the aspect of Him being in control and all powerful but forgot of His intense love for us that drove Him to sacrifice His Son. He knows what it's like to lose a child!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for your patience with me all of my wonderful, incredible friends out there!!!! When I despair, I am not a fun person to know and I am so sorry for that.
This book:
has been AMAZING!!!!!! It's a great book (so far) and I highly recommend it (so far) to anyone going through a similar experience.
Here are some of my favorite quotes (so far, ha!):
Feeling Desperate
"It is human nature to feel desperate when we can't see a solution to a problem that will not leave us alone. And our desperation can sometimes lead to pointless, self-destructive or irrational acts."
"Periods, even moments, of inaction are a way to say "yes" to God's implicit questioning: Will you wait for Me? For My best? For My perfect timing?"
"Might it be that God is using your circumstances to prepare the way for a miracle? Do you believe that could be possible? Do you believe He even cares?"
Facing Defeat
"They have left behind the world of everyone who seems to conceive without trying, or discovers it has happened when we only started a few weeks ago! That world, and all its inhabitants, feels incredibly distant-unattainable and painfully desirable."
"You are not lost to God. He sees your struggle, He knows your heartache, and He longs to bless the seed of hope He planted in your heart."
"You are already pregnant with hope. That hope is a gift from the God who loves you and who longs to bless you beyond what you can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). That hope will carry you through the journey you've already begun."
"The stories of our ancestors-our family of faith-reveal His character, His integrity, His purposefulness and His love. They demonstrate to us His consistency, His reliability, and His trustworthiness."
Asking "Why?"
"The misery brings with it a profound sense of isolation . . . you feel increasingly apart, chosen for suffering you do not understand. Separated from everything "normal."
"It may be that God brings us to this struggle, this head-on collision between the reality of childlessness and the limits of our faith, to show us that we don't actually trust Him. Not His love or His motives."
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your prayers and patience!!! I love you all!!!
Katy
Katy, Thank you so much for your prayer you left on my blog. I cried as I read it. It's amazing to think I have to go through this pain all over again, but we serve an awesome God and I know Him as healer. That's what I cling too. It's still hard and I don't understand, but I trust that He will reveal His plan for me and my family.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you. I know waiting is the hardest part. The wondering if you will ever be a mom. I've been there and after losing our precious Zoe I thought it would never happen. My second born daughter Brooklyn will be 5 tomorrow and I would go through all the heartache again just to have her and her sister Sydney. I know your baby is coming soon.
Father, I ask in the mighty name of Jesus that you would prepare Katy's womb for Life. I pray for her body to function according to your Word. I pray for a healthy 9 months of pregnancy for her and the baby. Lord I pray for the wait to be over for her and her husband. Fill their home with the love and laughter of a child.
We love you Lord and can't wait to watch your miracle unfold.
Hey Katy,
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if you remember me or not, but we went to Truett-McConnell together at the Oconee campus back what seems like many years ago. Then, Jude and I went to the cleveland campus for a while together.
I stumbled upon your blog tonight and as I read it, tears came to my eyes. My husband and I are going through similar situation right now. We have been trying to have a baby for about a year and half now and I am having some health issues that is preventing me from becoming pregnant.
We are waiting on the Lord to provide a family for us and I am having a difficult time waiting and knowing the God is in control. This is one of the hardest things I have ever been through. Your blog has been an encouragement to me tonight. I will keep you and Jude in my prayers and I wish you all the best.
Nina Maxey West