My raw, honest message to a hurting friend about pain and God

Hi ---,

I'm so glad you sent a message and that you didn't have to have d and c. It's good that the physical part of it is over now. I get the medicine. I probably need to start taking mine more regularly but I don't want to. That will be a tough conversation with ---- and I'm so sorry that you have to have it. :( I want so many good things for you -----! I hate that you've had to go through so much. I'm still forming my opinions about life and God and pain, but I'd like to believe that God loves us and will use the pain of those that know Him for something good in our lives. I know that's what the Bible says and I've always believed it. I've just been struggling in my relationship with God lately.

I don't think I've ever told you my story about my relationship with God. I hope you don't mind me sharing. If so, you can stop reading now. :)

My parents always took me and got involved in a Bible teaching church in GA and when I was 8 I decided that I wanted to ask God into my life by admitting that I wasn't a perfect person and couldn't ever be "good enough" to earn my way to Heaven, trusting in Jesus's death and resurrection - believing He did it to forgive me and allow me to have a relationship with God, and asking Him to be the boss of my life. I think I understood it as much as an 8 year can. For me it was really all about going to Heaven, and not very related to my everyday life (not that an 8 year old has much of a "life". Haha!

At 16, I realized that a relationship with God was so much more than just a ticket to Heaven, but something I could have on a daily basis. A friend that never leaves me. Someone that always loves me no matter what. I decided I wanted to invite Him or really to accept His invitation to have that kind of relationship and ask Him to be in control of my life.

Life was pretty good for awhile. I really enjoyed learning more about God through the Bible and felt encouraged and safe in my relationship with Him. I went through the regular tough stuff like break-ups and fights in friendships, but nothing too major. In college, I felt that God wanted me to be a Special Education Teacher and met Judd my husband through a Christian group on campus. He wanted to do music for Churches full-time and I thought it would be really cool to work so closely with churches while having my own "thing" with teaching.

We got married and I taught a year in GA before we moved to SC. I taught 2 years in Lex. 1 and loved it but we were living in Chapin and I wanted to be closer to home for when we had a baby. I got pregnant while teaching in Lex. 1 but lost the baby at 7 weeks. It was really tough because everyone at my school found out that I was pregnant when I had to run out of an IEP meeting to throw up! They were all really supportive and it was tough to follow through with my decision to move to Lex 5.

RSES turned out to be SO GREAT! It feels like I was there for 5 years, not 1 and a few months! You know what happened there with my 2nd baby. :(

Now, I've followed Judd down here and am working at a school that frustrates me so much! I hate that we don't have our own place but can't do much about it until we sell our home in SC. I'm watching friends younger than me have 1st and 2nd and 3rd babies and wondering why God let my babies die. Why He hasn't provided Judd and I with a healthy baby. We had fertility testing and nothing major is wrong at all, just a couple of little things that we can take meds. for.

I tell you all of this because pain sucks. I wish I could tell you that God will take all of your pain away, but it's not true. He just makes the pain less lonely and promises that if you give your life to Him, he'll work all of it together for good somehow. I'm hanging on by a thread, but that's what I want to keep believing. I guess that's what faith is, huh?

Anyway, that was an extremely long message! I'm praying for you ---- everyday! Tell everyone hello for me. We'll both take our meds. together and when you need someone that feels miserable as well to talk to - give me a call. :)

In His Hands,
Katy