Park City Utah
4 years ago
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I have SO FAR to go!
I'm SO not the person that I know God wants me to be. I'm not the person that Judd needs me to be. I'm certainly not the person that I would want raising my future children! I don't know why I'm having such a hard time dealing with all of the challenges and disappointments in my life right now. But I am. I really, really am.
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Oh, Katy!!! You are AMAZING! You've just been given a handful of lemons right now! You'll figure out how to turn them into lemonade!!! Hang in there! Enjoy Judd and the holiday season! I wish I was close by for you!!!
ReplyDeleteKaty,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your last post, I can honestly relate on how different it is to teach general ed. than special ed. I first taught in a special education classroom (don't know if we've had this conversation before) with 8 wonderful but challenging LD/ED students (some of them had horrific past so they were extremely angry and I was the person that they took it out on) and I remember crying going to work, crying during work hours, and crying all the way home. I did this for the entire time I taught this class. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but in the end those students as bad as they were gave me a special gift and that was an opened heart. They all cried when I told them I had to move on to teach elsewhere and the one that gave me the most trouble was the last person to leave me that day. When I moved into a general education classroom I thought honestly it would be a piece of cake compared to where I was, but it wasn't. It had it's own set of issues, like having to teach more students (8 vs. 26 or more) and they all were on different levels as opposed to the LD students. So I completely understand but know that God is not going to give you more than you can handle, and you have to tell yourself that "YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE", your plan may not be on the path of God's plan. I just have to tell myself that, because I have been through a lot myself that has made me question God, but I always come back to those blessings that happen to us, if it's just the simple things as a friend reaching out to someone who needs them, or a dog giving you a kiss, I always think of God and know that He will never forsake us or leave us. Hang in there!!!
Katy,
ReplyDeleteI forgot how I found your blog but I have been reading it for a few months now. I know you've been through a lot over the past couple years and my heart hurts when I read one of your posts and can tell you are in pain.
I remember writing something similar to this post in my journal a couple years ago. We had just started our second year of trying to get pregnant and things were rough- I was having a hard time at work, my grandma and my uncle both passed away within months of each other and I just felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. And then it came to me. I had not really, really, truly, let God in control of my life. I thought I had. But I was still trying to push Him over so I could get back in the driver's seat. Once I put Him in control, it removed the burden of my happiness from my shoulders.
Please know that Im not saying you haven't done this but Im just letting you know what helped me. The thing about letting God be in control is that you constantly have to re-evaluate it because its so easy to try to take over for yourself.
Always praying for you, you are never alone.
"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"