I remember back in January when Judd and I had been trying for about 9 months to get pregnant again after our miscarriage in April 2009. I had some unusual pain and bleeding and the doctor wanted me to take a pregnancy test. I did and it was positive (which was cRaZy because I'd had a "regular" period two weeks prior)! For a moment I allowed myself to hope, "This could be it! The doctors could save this pregnancy and this could be our baby!" It wasn't, as you know.
We went straight to the doctor, got blood work and progesterone supplements (because they suspected my body didn't make enough on its own and that may have contributed to our miscarriage), and I was on bed rest for a couple of days. Long story short, I didn't just lose that baby (through miscarriage again) but it was something even worse. The baby implanted in my left Fallopian tube. I was bleeding because the baby ruptured my tube! I had to have emergency surgery in Colorado (my doc in SC thought I was miscarrying and said it was safe to go on the trip anyway, what?!?!!!), lost our 2nd baby, one of my tubes, and half of our fertility. Because I still have both ovaries, my body still alternates ovulation each month from side to side, except I only have one tube that works. That means we only have 6 months out of a year that we can get pregnant IF I am ovulating (and with all of the stress, who knows?).
SO, you can understand why my outlook is glum and my faith is pretty rocked. How could God not only take another baby but in a much worse way and half of our chances??? It makes me think of when God told one of the guys in the Old Testament to reduce Israel's army down from something like 10,000 to 300 before they went to battle. God wanted to show them it was HIS power that would win the battle, not theirs and maybe that's what He is doing with us. I hope so . . .
I have A LOT of questions to work out with the Lord. Judd and I are going to ask another couple at our new church to begin meeting with us on a regular basis to help us sort through some of this stuff. I'm hopeful that this will help.
Thank you again for your support and love! Maybe I'm too open on my blog. I know I am, but isn't that what blogging is all about? Telling your story? That's what I'm determined to do. Share this story - the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly.
God bless and thank you again!
Katy :)
Oh, Katy!! I want to drive right down there and give you a hug!! I'm really sorry you are struggling right now with everything. I've never moved more than an hour away and that was only once. Will definitely be praying for your transition. Fertility has come a LONG way since I was doing that stuff, but I remember my OB telling me that ovaries don't necessarily take turns ovulating ... it's just whatever egg is ready first wins. Could be two months on one side and then four months on the other, etc. As I type this, I realize this could be good news or bad news for you. :-) Take it as good news and know that your "good" side could be ovulating more than you think. Stay strong, girlfriend!!
ReplyDeleteLove, Michelle
Katy, Thank you for sharing all that you do! I wish more people were as open and honest as you are! I know your story is helpful to many that read and follow your blog! I know it sucks (sorry for the "word") to feel the way you are right now and to think that half your chances have been taken away...perhaps "half your chances" has upped the anty on your chances of the BEST miracle yet. Whatever HIS plan for you is, you will discover. As long as you and Judd stay strong TOGETHER you two will figure things out. I am glad to hear you guys are seeking out answers from other people around you! Try to get settled in down in FL with the new school/job too! Things can happen when you least expect it!!! Stay strong in your faith, and know that you have LOTS of support from people that love and care about you!!! COntinuing to pray for you guys!
ReplyDeleteI want to encourage you a bit tonight. It was 9 years before we had our first daughter. We were slowly giving up hope. Three years later...her sister. Sarah went to be with Jesus in a house fire. The next year I, too, had a tubal preg. It was eight years after that our Emily was born. She, too, a miracle as they told me she might have Down's Syndrome. She is graduating this year with a 97% average. So many whys were asked...so many tears...but God is good, even when life hurts.
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