Answer

I had to call the doctor's office. They didn't call me. It was negative.
How do I feel?
I don't know yet. Disappointed. Numb. Abandoned. Confused.

I went back and read Hannah's Story in 1 Samuel. Oh! If God would answer my prayers as quickly as He did her's, however, I don't know how old she was at the time or how long she had been waiting. It was Sarah that was promised a baby and had to wait several years, but oh course God was faithful and gave them Isaac (meaning "laughter" because Sarah laughed at the idea of having a baby in her old age). She did begin to doubt God during their time of waiting to the point that she had her husband sleep with her maidservant (a common practice in ancient culture) which resulted in Ishmael. I found out today that Judd and I do get another month on Clomid before we have to reevaluate with the doc so that is good news. We have options, I know, but I don't want to rush ahead of God and take matters into my own hands like Sarah and Abraham. I want to wait patiently on the Lord (or as best I can) while banging on the doors of Heaven every step of the way!

Here are some verses and thoughts I have been thinking a lot about lately. The quotes are from a book that my good friend Katie gave to me called "The Healing Path."

"He makes the barren woman abide in the house
As a joyful mother of children." Psalm 113:9

"You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again." (Ps 71:20-21)

“But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3

"Waiting is a bold surrender to desire."
"Waiting requires the discipline to set aside short-term pleasure or quick satisfaction for a greater fulfillment. Waiting is sustained by the anticipation of fullness; therefore, it is sustained by dreaming.
A believing heart dreams through prayer. Waiting does not mean sitting. It means kneeling, submitting, and humbling myself not only to the expanse of dreams desired, but to the acknowledgment that I can't make the dream appear. Dreams that involved the depths of what my soul desires are utterly outside the realm of my control."
"When it matters most, I am most helpless. Yet when it matters most, I am most susceptible to looking for a way around my powerlessness."
"Bold prayer bombards heaven relentlessly with the cries of our soul."

Thank you all for your prayers! I cannot thank you enough! PLEASE don't forget us! I want to "bombard heaven relentlessly" as Jesus describes in Luke 11:5-8. I know it will come in His Timing, but I also know that they only way my heart will survive this is by crying out to God continually. Otherwise, despair and sadness may win.


Love you all!!!
Katy