Surrender

This is going to sound really strange . . . but I've been learning a lot from the Duggar family lately (ya know, from 19 kids and Counting on TLC). Yes, I know that they are the TOTAL opposite of Judd and My life right now yet there is a truth, a very important one, that applies to us both, to us all really.

When the Duggars were first married, they decided to go on birth control because they weren't yet ready to have children. When they were ready, they had Josh and went back on the pill. Just like most of us (and I'm NOT saying that this is right or wrong - that is a totally personal decision and you have to do what's best for your family and what you feel the Lord is leading you to) they were trying to control that aspect of their lives and as I have learned this past year, we can't.

While on the pill the 2nd time, they became pregnant unexpectantly and later miscarried the baby, in this case, because of the hormones in the pill. They were so shaken by the possibility that something they were doing to control had resulted in something tragic. From that point on they surrendered this part of their lives to the Lord and 18 other children down the road, they are glad that they did!

So what does this have to do with Judd and I?????

Well, the same surrender but the most opposite possible result. As soon as this cycle is over, until the Holy Spirit leads us otherwise, we just want to live our lives without fertility intervention. We'll continue the medications we need to be healthy individually, but are not going to count days, take fertility drugs, etc. If the Lord desires for Judd and I to raise children, He will provide and lead us to do what we need to.

If not, I have surrendered that desire.

This life is not my own. I gave it up when I took Jesus' and I know down the road, children or not, we'll be glad we did!

Please, don't get me wrong! I'm not saying that we think fertility intervention is wrong. It is a wonderful gift that the Lord has provided to those of us whose bodies don't function the way they are supposed to due to this fallen world. And I'm not saying that Judd and I will never go back to have procedures to help us because we may if that's what God leads us to do. I'm just saying that we have to seek the Lord and be sensitive and obedient to what we feel the Holy Spirit is telling us, and Judd and I know that the stress from "trying" to have a baby is not producing Christlikeness in us. It is stressful on our relationship and easily becomes totally consuming for me. I want my life to be about obedience and submission to the Lord. He has never promised that Judd and I will have a child of our own. It's not our right. He is the Lord of our lives and I am learning to trust Him as the One that works everything together for our good (not for what we think is for our good).

Thanks SO much for baring with us through this difficult time in our lives!!!! We will need plenty of accountability in order to keep our hands lifted in open surrender! Not our will but Your's be done!

We are praying for all of you out there that are dealing with similar things! That you will know the Lord's desire for good in your lives and His great love for you even when you don't feel like it.

I have to choose to believe this everyday:
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."