Infertility Etiquette

Please understand my heart in posting these things. I don't want to tell you how you should act or what you should say. I'm not trying to condemn anyone with these words. I'm just trying to "educate" people because I feel like that is something good that I can do in this situation. If you have said some of the things below that it says not to say, PLEASE don't feel badly!!! I know your hearts and I know you just want to support us and I am SO SO SO thankful to you for that! Thank you for your support! Thank you for your prayers! Thank you for your patience! Thank you for being Jesus to us! We love you!

From: www.dancinguponbarrenland.com
For Family, Friends and Ministry Leaders

HOW TO RESPOND:
Recognize infertility exists.
I am sorry that you're having to go through so much.
What can I do for you?
Teach me about what you are going through so I can better understand.
Never give up. Keep believing.
It is okay to cry.

WHAT TO SAY:
Non-selfish comments.
Voice interest in medical treatments.
I'll be praying for you and your husband.
I am here for you.
God can do anything.
Give a scripture.
You'll be a great mom!
I can't wait to meet your baby!
Give a call on Mother's Day.
Remind them of God's promises.
Don't say anything, just listen and encourage.

WHAT NOT TO SAY
When are you going to have children?
Just adopt.
Are you sure you want to try for a child?
Shouldn't you wait until 'this' happens or 'that' happens?
Quit trying so hard.
From a medical specialist, "You will never have a baby."
Give up. Let it go. It will happen.
It is not the end of the world if you don't have kids!
Just relax.
You're too old to have a child.
Just stop thinking about it so much, then it will happen.
It will happen when you are least expecting it.
Just go get drunk.
There is more to life than just being a "mom".
At least you're an aunt. That's fun!
Complain about your own children.
Questioning the ability to be a mother.


Infertility Etiquette: Miscarriage or Stillbirth

HOW TO RESPOND:
Acknowledge the loss. Whether it has happened at five or forty weeks of pregnancy. The loss of life is felt deeply.
Your silent presence can speak volumes.
Show love, "love never fails." I Corinthians 13:8
Note the date when the miscarriage or stillbirth occurred and acknowledge it the next year.
Give a call or send a card on Mothers or Fathers Day.

WHAT NOT TO SAY:
"Don't worry; your baby is up in heaven safe."
"You'll get pregnant again; you'll have other children."
"I thought you'd be over this by now."
"Why are you so sad? You were only a few weeks along."
"I guess it wasn't meant to be."
"All things work together for the good!"


FOR THE ONE GOING THROUGH INFERTILITY:
Forgive often.
Educate others about infertility.
Teach family and friends what to say and how to say it to you.
When on medication or going through procedure, be gentle with yourself.
It is okay to say 'no' to baby showers and children's birthday parties.
Write thank you notes to those who have encouraged you. (I need to work on this one)
Try not to be angry with your spouse, or any one else!
Confront and let go of your hurts, never hold onto them.
Show affection to your spouse; tell them "I love you" daily.
Look past the mouths' of others and into their hearts, most have good intentions at hand.