Scared

So tomorrow I go for our 2nd Clomid cycle pregnancy test at the fertility doctor and I am scared to death! I'm scared to hope and I'm scared to fall into despair. If we aren't pregnant this time, we'll have to take a month off. I've never begged the Lord this hard for a baby!!! I've been reading the stories of the women in the Bible that experienced Infertility and each time they became pregnant it says that God "remembered" them. I read the commentary at the bottom of my bible and it said that this word "remembered" in the original text means so much more than just to bring someone to mind, it means (hold-on, let me go get my bible and type it out exactly) . . . "it is to go into action in her behalf; it is to express concern for someone, to act with loving care for him." That's been my prayer lately:

God, REMEMBER ME, PLEASE!!! PLEASE! PLEASE! I can't do this much longer! PLEASE!

I'll be sure to let you know what the results are. Will you join with me in begging the Lord for the baby He desires for us to raise and in His Timing???? I cannot thank you enough!

Here is a funny post I found on a website called "999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility":

"If people could actually hear the inner thoughts of an infertile woman, they would be scared. Very scared. And with good reason.

I wish I could just steal that baby (but I won’t).
I’m jealous of all the pregnant women at my fertility clinic (actually ALL pregnant women).
I’m jealous of that pregnant dog.
There is no way I’m living childless with just my husband for the rest of my life (I love you, honey).
That is some good-looking cervical mucus this month! Wahoo!
When I do get pregnant, I’m going to start trying for baby#2 the second I give birth.
I wish we started trying on our wedding night.
I wish I started trying at age 13.
Sometimes hearing other people’s pregnancy success stories makes me want to bang my head against a window.

Be very afraid of the infertile inner dialogue. We may look normal on the outside but we’re slowly going crazy on the inside."